Habit 5 of [[The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People]]

# Summary

Most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. Covey's rule is to diagnose before you prescribe: understand the other person's view and feelings fully before you offer your own. Once people feel understood, they become open to influence.

# Key ideas

- **Levels of listening**: Ignoring, pretending, selective listening, attentive listening and empathic listening. Only the last one seeks to see the world as the other person sees it.
- **Empathic listening**: Listening for feeling and meaning as well as words. It does not mean agreeing; it means understanding.
- **Psychological air**: Being understood is a deep human need. Until it is met, the other person cannot focus on your point or on solving the problem.
- **Four autobiographical responses** that block understanding:
  - *Evaluating*: agreeing or disagreeing.
  - *Probing*: asking questions from your own frame of reference.
  - *Advising*: giving counsel based on your own experience.
  - *Interpreting*: explaining their motives using your own.
- **Skills of empathic listening**: Rephrase the content, then reflect the feeling, then do both together.
- **Then to be understood**: Present your own view using the Greek sequence of *ethos* (your credibility), *pathos* (your empathy for the listener) and *logos* (your logic), in that order.

# In practice

- In your next disagreement, restate the other person's position to their satisfaction before giving yours.
- Notice when you evaluate, probe, advise or interpret, and stop.
- When someone is upset, reflect what they feel before offering any solution.